I think they can go together, I just think it could benefit from some retooling. I did not notice a form, or rhyme scheme, so why do you use enjambment at times? (e.g. lotus flower) Why not let the line flow more conversationally? Each word and each choice should speak chapters in a poem. You've got great potential here. Best wishes to you, Talitha! :D
While I love the sentiment in this poem, for me, it felt a bit incongruent. There are 2 distinct categories described here, one Western and Christian, the other Eastern and Asian. They don't seem to fit together. At least, not without some wordsmithing.
I think they can go together, I just think it could benefit from some retooling. I did not notice a form, or rhyme scheme, so why do you use enjambment at times? (e.g. lotus flower) Why not let the line flow more conversationally? Each word and each choice should speak chapters in a poem. You've got great potential here. Best wishes to you, Talitha! :D
Thanks both for your comments!
@ G. Donald Cribbs, why do you feel they can't go together? I'll certainly consider it and I'd like to hear more of your thoughts on this.
While I love the sentiment in this poem, for me, it felt a bit incongruent. There are 2 distinct categories described here, one Western and Christian, the other Eastern and Asian. They don't seem to fit together. At least, not without some wordsmithing.
sometimes from great adversity comes the sweetest rose.