My Screams Smile

In the depths of pain, darkness descends

Sleep and I become the best of friends.

Nightmares haunt my many moods,

Giving my mind time to brood.

I cannot escape I enter further into the abyss,

I reach for compassion but met by insanity’s kiss.

“Where do I go?” My screams smile. No one can hear,

No sight, no sound, just my lonely journey into fear.

“Release me. Please release me from misery’s hold,

I feel a chill taking over, my heart is growing cold.”

Crying does little good for no one shares my pain,

Ashes before my eyes, fiery embers, tears of rain.

What do I know? A time lately unforeseen,

A master of images sheltering in my dream.

The sands drown. As ancient as the lost times flow,

I sink within. Further and further down I go.

I cannot breathe through the petty, salty grains,

Gasping for air I scream, it is driving me insane.

It is hot as an oven’s radiate heat, or perhaps the first pits of hell,

My screams smile, then a frosty laughter as if to say, “oh well.”

“Cry me a fountain, do not stop, do not quit,

Upon your face. It is. See it. Just a bit. Yes. A tiny bit.

Scream loudly, haha. Let your madness take your name,

Give rise to your insanity.” My, screams smile again, winning the game.

My Screams Smile Part 2

“NO. I cannot give in. Wake up.” I cannot let them win

I try to stir. I need to start over. I need to begin again.

Opening my eyes, I falter. Life. Ha. Death on earth,

Spinning round and round the voices merriment, such mirth.

Sleep, deep sleep, do not worry for your soul we have won,

There are many, you are one, a brain harvest, it can be done.

I fight. My strength was lacking but such pain a nightmare of shreds,

I could not let them win. They wished me to be dead.

They pulled me under I could feel my screams as they smiled at me,

“Come. Come now, wrap theses chains tightly you do not wish to be free.

But I DID. I DO. As from the ocean depths my drowning soul rose above,

Capturing rays of bright sunshine and Father’s merciful love.

“Bring me peace, I wish you gone,” my whisper told my screams,

Tis useless to fight us we are here and everywhere even in your dreams.

The voices tried to scream their rage, they really tried to fight,

But my whispered voiced carried such wisdom, such strength, and might.

I rose from my visions, my staggering voices and my screams smile,

I am me once again. My screams no longer smile, but my laughter will for a long while.

© Cynthia Clark